I thought the smell was coming from the 18 wheeler next to me as I headed to Orlando early this morning. Totally ruining the beauty of the sunrise out the passenger window.
“It smells horrible! Must be that truck,” I commented.
“Yes it does,” agreed my daughter.
We drive on for another hour and a half, with the burning oil smell whiffing through our car.
After I drop my kids off at their once a week school, I called my husband.
“The car is stinky!”
“Oh Boy, I must have forgotten to put the lid back on the oil, again!”
Yucky, yellow mess covered the hood, and the engine. What a mess!! The second time in the same number of weeks. Yep I am frustrated. Now I need to go hunt for an auto part store and add the oil and figure out what else needs to be done.
I hang up, ashamedly, in a huff. Once again, let down. Funny (no, not really) how one small thing can bring up all the past hurts and mistakes.
Found the store, the cap and the oil. Feeling like a woman that can take care of herself, I make may way to the car wash and on to the local book store to read, work and wait for my kids.
What did God tell me today during my quiet time with Him after this oil spill? In a word, DIE
“When Christ calls a man, he bids him to die” Bonhoeffer
Forgiveness requires death! Jesus died so that I can be forgiven. My sins are forgiven and forgotten! Wiped away.
So why is it so easy for me to bring back the past when others have hurt me? Because I haven’t truly died. Died to self! How can I be so selfish that I hold on to the past, bring it up, and rehearse it over and over, when my God has forgiven and forgotten much BIGGER and GREATER sins of mine? Sins that I repeat, habits that are hard to get over?
Oh Lord, help me be filled with Your Holy Spirit so that I can forgive, really….